It ment a lot to me. Really, it did. I’m not going to be okay for a while, but I’m hoping I don’t get to the place I did last night for a very long time. I said very long time because I know it will happen again one day, I just hope when it does I have people that care about me around me then too. Loosing a close friend is never easy, and really I don’t think its going to get any easier. But theres nothing I can do but move forward though the gunk before it starts to slowly get better.

I am sitting on my toilet. My toilet. And I am writing this, and I am not okay. I have no idea how many people still get this in their feed or watch me or whatever, but this is the only place I feel I can make the following statement so I am. 

I am so scared.

I am so scared and so lost right now and I really want to take my own life.

I was doing so well, I haven’t thought about that sort of thing for ages and then BAM, this.

My best friend of five years doesn’t want to talk to me right now, and I feel like my life is over. I have all of one friend now, my girlfriend, and I thought my best friend but apparently not. I dont know. And its eating me alive. 

I have never felt more alone.

My girlfriend? She lives in Canada. And as much as she wants to hold me, to help me though this, she can’t. My best friend? She lives two towns away. She was the only thing that kept me sane, that helped me not just sink into a puddle of isolation because she was there for me when she got back from school. And now…now I have no one. There are no friends to turn to, no one to see on a weekend or every couple of months. 

I, am alone.

And for someone like me, thats bad. I don;t handle isolation well, in fact I handle it horribly. It’s why I almost killed myself when I was at my last collage. 

Fun story huh kids?

Life has been a mess, you know I just turned 21 not that long ago and everyone I thought was mildly important to me basically forgot. Yeah. That was cool. I enjoyed that. I still get jealous when people give piles of art or notes or whatever on their birthday and I still get nothing, even when I do things for others nothing. And its not even I don’t get a giant thing its just no one can make a move to do anything and I just

I feel like a loser.

I feel like a loser that should just fucking take some pills and get it over with.

And I wish I was strong enough to stay on my fucking accounts and deal with everyone but I can’t anymore. All the drama, all the trolling, all the bullshit, its made me hate myself more and more and more to the point where I keep wanting to harm myself because of nasty people who can’t seem to understand the power of their words, or how gosspie ruins everything. I know I’m not fucking alone in being bullied, but I dont understand how its still around after so many people get though it. It brings no happiness! It just makes people fucking misrable! And now I can’t trust fucking anyone because of all this dumb bullshit that happened! Jesus fucking christ! I am so mad, and hurt, and upset, and at a lowest low, and for gods sake I am doing so poorly I logged onto an account I don’t even use because I have no one I feel like I can talk to right now! How sad is that?!

I just want to disapear, and stop feeling all this pain. Because I can’t deal with it anymore. I haven’t been dealing with it. 

I can’t take it anymore.

I dont really use this account anymore but I’m currently waiting to hear back about a friend I am very worried about.

Jake if you’re seeing this I love you and I hope you’re safe.

froontherun:

marielikestodraw:

buckycaps:

the art he chose in general, especially for the female heroes, is really gross and terrible, but here are a few more sexist, misogynistic, sex-shaming gems:

1. “for those men that love rude bitches, [emma frost] the white queen is the way”
2. [on natasha romanoff, the highest ~debut] “considering she’s fucked half the guys in the marvel universe, that’s quite a feat”
3. [on elektra] she’ll “give you a nice, ninja-trained blow job”
4. [on black canary] “i used to think she was the hottest chick in the dcu, but then i remembered that she fucks green arrow”
5. [on dazzler] “a friggin’ great vagina”
6. [on kitty pryde] “i want to anally do her”
7. [on choice of art for jade] “i picked the one with the big tits”
8. [on batwoman] “i’m hoping for a dc-marvel crossover so that tony stark can turn her; she could also have sex with nightwing and still be a lesbian”
9. calls tigra ‘easy’ for no discernible reason along with calling stephanie brown that because she’s a single mother
10. says that he’ll blow a load onto jessica jones’ face so he doesn’t have to look at her

Ladies and Gentlemen, the guy picked by Marvel to direct Guardians of the Galaxy. More infos here

That’s one boycott for me, thanks.

As if I need any more reason to not see this movie.

toxcatl:

Sign this

fivelettered:

twigwise:

transbodypride:

Hi guys, My name is Kyle. I am 18 and a transgender male.

We only have 1 MONTH (till december 19, 2012) to get 25,000 signatures on the petition I just created for the white house to review. It is basically asking them to provide coverage for transgender surgeries and hormonal treatment. Here is a link to the exact petition: 

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/provide-financial-coverage-sex-reassignment-surgeries-transgender-americans/SXvgvYhv

Come on guys, I have seen the dumbest posts on here get a million notes. All we need is 25,000. So REBLOG REBLOG. And tell you friends and such. It takes 2 seconds and can really make a difference in someones life. Being transgender is both a medical and emotional condition that DESERVES coverage. The cost of these things make goals for some seem almost unreachable. 

if this doesn’t get enough signatures

I WILL SHIT ON EVERYTHING

this has 1000 notes and only 344 signatures. that’s unacceptable.

I want my transition to be fucking covered you dickwhistles

Signed it! I hope more people do. It’s easy as pie to sign a whitehouse.gov petition.

Doing okay now, just wiped from it all. I figured out early this morning I just relapse all the fucking time on DA (and in turn here) because I have had seven years of bad juju there. I mentally can’t get away from it. So in January I will be closing shop. I’m not sure what that means 100%, but it mainly means that I’m leaving Arada. I have to. Seriously. It turns me into a wack job in a matter of minutes, yet on every other site I dont have these issues because again there isn’t seven years worth of drama following me around in my head.

Also this tumblr account is being deleted hella soon soooo if you want to keep in touch now is the time to like…sat something yo.

Happy fucking Thanksgiving.

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